Must Read: The BIG Difference Between Polyamory And Cheating

Difference



Most people into polyamory are way more open and honest about their needs.



"My husband bought me a beautiful dress for my birthday and I went

away for a trip to the mountains with myboyfriend,"



Tessa shared in one of our coaching sessions.



Tessa is not cheating. Her husband knows about her boyfriend, and her

boyfriend knows about her husband. Tessa is polyamorous and among a

growing population who are insightful and bold enough to live out what

works for them:non-exclusive, committedrelationships.



There are stories of cheating partners abound: the religious

politician caught with his pants down in a bathroom; the devoted wife

found to have a cutie on the side.



Most of us jump to condemnation and feel the stirrings of fear: What

if my partner cheats? What if I have a wandering eye?



Cheating destroys many a marriage; betrayal is devastating to the

trust andintimacynecessary for long-term commitment. But, being with

someone else doesn'thaveto be betrayal, or impact trust and intimacy.



When I mention that I have clients who arepolyamorous, the reaction is

usually one of surprise, and then the assumption that they must be

emotionally damaged people in some way; they are unable to commit and

a threat to other people's monogamous relationships.



By contrast,my polyamorous clients tend to be more honest about their

needs and wants, having forged the challenging road to claim what

truly works for them in a culture that is terrified of female

sexuality and independence.



They have freed themselves from the potentially crippling expectations

of society to create partnerships that are specific to them:



*.These long-term relationships are based on ongoing open and

authentic communication among all parties.



*.They are loving and generous.



*.They encourage autonomy and interdependence without ownership.



*.They are more concerned with authenticity than exclusivity.



They recognize that we are all multi-faceted and that it's OK not to

be all things to one person. The trust they develop is tested by the

freedom they afford each other.



I am myself monogamous, knowing since childhood that I was seeking my

soul mate and partner. Having found him, I am sated sexually and

emotionally.



Still, I find myself uplifted and heartened by my polyamorous sisters,

proud of them for walking a path that is deeply counter-cultural in a

historical moment that seems bent on controlling, restricting, and

punishing women.

Ultimately, it is up to each of us to find out what works for us,

whether it adheres to our cultural norms or not. By probing our own

souls and living from our truths, we create lives we are thrilled to

be living, in a world that desperately needs us to shine our lights.